Things you should never, ever ask an author.

The  stranger asks:

 
The author answers:
You’re a novelist? Have you published anything?

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You’re a surgeon? Have you ever operated on anyone?
Have you written anything I might have read?

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Do you read novels?
Um….

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Then, no.
Any bestsellers?

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I read a couple every year.

Still haven’t figured out the formula.

Literature or fiction?

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Yes.

Any of your novels

made into movies?

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Only in my nightmares.

Who do you get compared to,

as a writer?

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My brother compares me to a

volcano of repressed anger.

My therapist doesn’t disagree.

So self publishing, how difficult is that?

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It’s a challenge, from what I can tell.

I am not self published.

You have a publisher? how did that happen?

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I wrote a proposal and a first chapter. My agent tapped the right editor on the shoulder, the publisher bought it, and that started the ball rolling.
You have an agent? how did that happen?

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I wrote a lot of letters and talked to a lot of people

and had a really good proposal and first chapter.

Could you introduce me to your editor, publisher, agent?

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Wait, you write fiction?

I plan to give it six weeks.

That should do it.  

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Now that’s a coincidence. I was planning on

learning how to take out an appendix this summer.

That’s a no to the agent, editor, publisher intro?

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Technically it’s a no, no, no.
So you’re writing a novel now?

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Are you still practicing medicine?
What are your novels about? Any good reviews?

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Funny you should ask. I’m wondering what kind of surgery you do and how your patients evaluate you.
You are tough.

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Yes, I’m a published novelist.
So when is your next novel coming out?

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About six to ten months after I finish it.

 

Really? So what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home working? When will it ever be finished, the way you slack off?

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Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate.