The Universal Grandma: My Vote

1. I have a cold. The kind of cold that you can’t ignore. Sore throat, voice gone, constant sneezing, small green very heavy gremlin sitting on my chest snickering at me, blah blah blah. But to focus on the positive: neither the Mathematician nor the Girlchild have this cold. Which is very good, because otherwise I’d have to jump out of a window.

My suggestion: we need universal health care, yes, absolutely. But in the meantime could we maybe get universal grandmas? When you’re sick one of them comes to your house to make you tea and cluck sympathetically and sit by your bedside reading bits from the paper out loud and ask how things came to such a sorry pass and here, dear, a clean handkerchief scented with lavender. And when you’re better, when you get up finally, the house is spotlessly clean, nothing out of order, every dish put away. A meal on the stove. Cherry Garcia in the freezer. I vote for universal grandmas.

2. Somehow I messed up my email. I was just trying to organize it. Because really, why clog up the harddrive with three year old emails reminding me that I’m supposed to bring a salad to somebody’s birthday party, or that the book I wanted was out of stock, or look, a cute picture of a dog. Okay, so the cute picture I held on to, but really. So I’m going about my business sorting through, deleting, and next thing you know, everything is screwy. This does not help my headache. When I finally have things working again (I think) I notice that a lot of email that shouldn’t have been deleted has fled the computer. General panic in the face of possible extinction? Who knows. But those emails I actually needed and they are gone.

You know if I had a universal grandma here, I wouldn’t have tried to fix the email settings. I’d have been very busy being taken care of.

3. Dogs are good. Because while they can’t make tea or clean up the kitchen and in fact given the chance they will steal your Cherry Garcia (if you had any) they also cuddle up to you when you’re feeling bad and never once worry that they’re going to catch what you’ve got. Because doggy love is unconditional.

4. I am so so so so close to finishing this novel. And now I have a headache and that gremlin thing and I can’t concentrate.

5. Aaaaargh.

7 Replies to “The Universal Grandma: My Vote”

  1. I am a huuuuuuge fan of Traditional Medicinals Gypsy Cold Care Tea. It has peppermint in it, and licorice, and they have a tea specifically for sore throats as well (Throat Coat?). Since you’re in the nice, green Northwest (I’m down here in an earthy-crunchy part of Southern California until I move to the freezing cold part Anchorage, Alaska later this month), it shouldn’t be hard to find. It’s less expensive at Whole Foods/Wild Oats, but my Vons has it as well.

  2. So sorry you’re sick. Try Zn lozenges if you can stand the taste. They shorten colds, probably killing the varmints with Zn. Your #1 …. Ray Bradbury wrote a short story, probably in the 1960’s about a robot grandmother hired by the father to take care of his children, 2 brothers and a sister. She took on the facial characteristics of the child she was comforting. She dashed into the street to save the brother, parts flying. Of course the parts wiggled back together so she could continue grandmothering them. Decades later as they lay dying, she came back to comfort them. Good story, but I don’t remember the name!

  3. Feel better soon! Sometimes, when I’m cleaning out my email folders, I accidentally drag one or more into another folder. Hoping that’s all that’s happened for you. You’re not alone in colds or in screwed up email files…believe me. My cold just hit my chest last night. Thanksgiving weekend too – what a blast. Mind you, I’m swimming in grandmothers.

  4. I hope you’re feeling better soon Rosina (I know so cliché but I mean well :D) Things can only get better.

    Asdfg, the title you’re looking for is: I Sing The Body Electric.

  5. I feel for ya Rosina, I’m on the tail end of a cold myself. This time around I passed on all the cold-remedies, pills etc.. and decided to just ride it out(basiclly slept for 3 days, minus 2 work shifts)My daughter had it earlier and she seemed to weather it better then I am now. I’m almost convinced that women just naturally are better at handling illness then men are:D .That said I’ve had the whole family down with pneumonia, myself included, yet I was the only one strong enough to make the rounds, dispensing everyones medicine. Hmmm, maybe they just know a “soft touch” when they see one,hehe.Anywho, rambling..hope ya get better soon, stay way from the pute,(like I shoulda)disapear under the covers for a while,till ya feel better.

  6. Feel better soon!
    I second and third the notion for universal grandmas. Hubby sometimes manages to keep the kids from jumping on me when I’m sick, but no ice cream, no cleaning, no tea… and when hubby or the kids are sick, I’d appreciate all the help in the world.

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